I’m amazed at how quickly I forget things.
What did I have for breakfast yesterday? Did I really buy that toy…as I peek in another Amazon box that’s arrived at my front door ;) What did I say I’d bring to dinner tomorrow? Did I already put the elf here this year?
Are you the same way? I’m not the only person who forgets those things right? I think it’s funny the way your brain sorts things. How it decides what you should remember, or isn’t worth the space. Sometimes I wish the heart had the same sorting mechanism. The heart doesn’t forget. Maybe that’s a good thing though. Maybe that’s actually what helps us keep going.
My heart will never let me forget, no matter how hard I try some days. I’ll never forget the words the ultrasound tech said as she tried not to look at me. “There’s no heartbeat.” I think my heart stopped then too. 3 years. That baby would have been 3 this December. She (I always say she. After 4 girls, I’m pretty sure a boy just isn’t in the cards for us.) was due 3 years ago today. There are times I wish I could forget her due date. Wouldn’t it make December easier? When we’re all celebrating Christmas and the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Maybe that’s why my heart won’t let me forget.
Romans 8:18 “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”
I know God’s glory. I know his love for me. It’s the same love I have for that sweet baby who is in His arms instead of mine. I am so thankful for his love. That one day I will rest in his arms.
Miscarriage is so hard to talk about. Most woman don’t talk about it. We almost push it under the rug so to speak, because we are worried about what others think. We are worried about what they will say. “You have 4 beautiful, healthy girls. It’s not a big deal that you lost one.” “It’s ok, you can have more.” “Everything happens for a reason.” Actually…we aren’t worried about what people will say. We are scared that their words will crush our already crushed heart. They don’t know how hurtful those words can be. I hope I can continue to talk about my miscarriage with others. It happens more then we can ever imagine. Talking about it will help others get through theirs. We will NEVER forget, but maybe we will one day understand a little better and be able to help others in the same situation.
Thank you Lord for your love. Thank you for blessing me with 4 sweet babies here on earth and one with you in heaven. I pray I can continue to ask you for guidance in this crazy world. I pray that you will be with me and help slow my heart every December 5th. Lord I pray that you are with all of those who have lost babies. That you may help comfort them during this incredibly hard time. Not just in that moment, but forever. May they lean on you for understanding. Amen.